Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
