Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
