I didn't shave. On purpose
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
