It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
