4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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