Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
