I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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