bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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