I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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