My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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