Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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