seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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