My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
