3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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