would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
