Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.

(1-810): View more from Michigan

Thanks dad.

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(718): View more from New York

Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

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(408): View more from California

i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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(817): View more from Texas

maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.

Fav 17 1500 8437
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(586): View more from Michigan

She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.

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