At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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