Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize