You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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