C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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