the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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