yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol