My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
