well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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