FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
