areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
