Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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