Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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