1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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