So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
