Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
