Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
