so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
