mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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