You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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