So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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