you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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