It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
