I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I supernannyed him into submission
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
