your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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