Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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