watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize