the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just pee around me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
