well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
