Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
