if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
