I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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