I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
