xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
pray to the hookup gods
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
