he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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