dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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