I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
