I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
