We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
