I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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