I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
