My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
