we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
