Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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