ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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