Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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