I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize