so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
