my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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