WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
