We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
