I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
